Our Own Story

Love marriages in traditional societies with orthodox beliefs can be compared with examination. In life, you always have more than one option but sometimes one of those options are mandatory to choose. You have limited time to decide and conclude but that time duration becomes the most difficult hours of your life, specially when you know that what you want is not what you'll get. When you are in such a difficult situation, the whole world seems to be an examination hall and every person around you looks like an examiner. In that exam, you are supposed to write your answers according to your teacher's notes. Even if you do not agree with their points and ideas yet you are bound to write the same answer and keep on repenting on your decision whole life. On the day of your result you do not hold any expectation because those answers written there were not your own. They were just a version of someone else's idea.

Life seems difficult when some instructions in examination or life become strictly mandatory to choose. You are bound to opt it, no matter what. Have you ever been in such a situation? 

When life gives you options and you wish to choose one that you like but you are compelled to choose something else because of society's constraints and their ultimate rules.

In some parts of India, where socio-economic development is still a question and the traditional orthodox culture of casteism and caste based marriage is still prevalent, we find a lot of examples of people compromising their life because of such strict and mandatory guidelines.

If you are born in those parts of India and wish to appear in one such exam, write your own answer, go against the rules, choose the option contrary to what is defined under society's guideline system, you will not be given any marks. You will eventually fail in that exam and unlike every failed person who deserves another chance you will be seen as a detraction and ultimately thrown out of society.

Sometimes objections arise from the fact that the religion and castes or social standings or even physical appearance are no not match with the expectations of the rule bearers. Sometimes they are wary of the repercussion of the society and relative bandwagon. Surprisingly, this is happening to us even in the 21st century. Where on one hand the world is moving towards progress and advancement, a society is ruining people's lives with great pride.

How can we save ourselves from this questionable custom and tradition? 

As we think of solutions, we have many options. One of the popular options is to be carefree and not at all worry about what society thinks. Do whatever you want, write whatever you feel is correct in your answer sheet. This option might have certain consequences that can affect your lives differently in different parts of India but these consequences might not worry you when you firmly decide to go and fight against every possible obstacle in your way.

Another option that we can think of is to change the way society thinks. But is this even possible practically?

Let's see. We need to go back to our past and find a pattern.

There was a time when people used to live almost like wild animals. Our ancestors who lived in forests ate whatever they found, organic and raw. But gradually they learnt about fire and started cooking food. They invented the wheel and started transporting food from one place to another. They even domesticated animals and used them to pull their loads. They were nomads and wandered from one place to another in search of food. Then they found grasses that yield grains. It was the first time they worked as farmers and started growing their food. They also learnt to store food so that they do need not to keep on wandering. Once they settled at a place as permanent dwellers, they formed a social network of like-minded people who lived and worked similarly. That was when one of the first societies evolved. They had leaders who were well experienced and made rules to maintain order and discipline. Many changes happened as time passed, new rules were added and few old rules were wiped out. People who were then a part of society had to follow the rules of society else they were punished or thrown out. They were not as wild as before and they laid down a foundation of a civilized society. They even domesticated animals and taught them to follow certain rules. This might be a reason why today we see dogs different from wild foxes, jackals and wolves.

Hence, we have found a pattern of change during evolution of human societies. Humans have changed rules and added new rules as they made new and better advancements. The constitution of India which is considered as the ultimate rule book for it's citizens has more than hundreds of amendments in a span of 70 years. Here we are not talking about constitution that has given all of us equal freedom. We are talking about different societies that still follows their own set of rules. Therefore in short we can conclude that as a society progresses, rules and regulations do change. To change the way society thinks, we firstly need to fasten the process of educating the people of the society. This can happen only when more educated, honest and progressive leaders come forward and understand this. The way Raja Ram Mohan Roy, Swami Dayanand Saraswati, Dr. B.R Ambedkar and other great social reformers came ahead despite challenges and changed society. If you are passionate and deeply in love with your work, there will be a day when your society will value your thoughts and ideas too, just like some other progressive part of the world. 

There can be endless options in the list of solutions. Let's not wait to choose the one that's being imposed by society. Let's choose what we love and write our own story.