New Track

 

It is a dark summer night, with 86% humidity and low wind speed and I can be sure  with static trees leaves around me that the weather is not so cool. I am sitting in my 2ft x 8ft balcony with a laptop and a black "magic coffee" mug half full with a coffee latte, writing my blog. Last night at this time I was sitting inside a train full of people within a typical Indian railway's chaotic sleeper class coach. Despite so much noise and madness, I was silently gazing steadily and intently outside the window. It was dark and I could only see lights faintly coming from distant villages at the edge of plain fields. I was so lost in my thoughts that those noises were involuntarily getting saved in my subconscious mind. Winds kept refreshing my facial dust while I was pondering on some random thoughts that were coming directly from a fictitious factory inside my cerebrum. I was travelling back from my hometown and along with my luggage, I was also carrying a huge load of responsibilities on my shoulder. More than a mere load of responsibility, for me it was actually a weight full of resentment against my own failure. I had miserably failed in my attempts to save my dream. A dream that I had seen with someone special. Like a blurred morning dream that we tend to forget after a while, our dream was also destined to be brushed off.  

Somewhere in the back of my mind, I had planned not to return soon, that's why I had packed almost every book I had, my documents, clothes and all my belongings in a big safari suitcase and bags. Lights inside the coach went out one by one. I was still sitting at my place in a side lower seat. I put on my bluetooth neckband and started a random Arijit Singh's song. "Hawayein" from Jab Harry Met Sejal started off with a piece of slow and mesmerizing background music. The train that was full of loud noises a while ago slowly hushed and within half an hour the ambience seemed so gratifying. One of the most engrossing parts of the lyrics that said "Kal bhi... meri na thi tu. Naa hogi tu kal, Meri aaj hai" filled me up with a sudden feeling of grief, anxiety and a little bit of anger. This is how my restless brain reacts while overthinking. It was the same song that I loved in the starting but then I suddenly changed the track just because I could relate my life so much to the lyrics of that song. 

I stayed anxious for a couple of minutes. In order to calm me, I went towards the door. It was locked from inside. I unlocked it and suddenly the heavy iron door pushed me back as a gust of cold air came inside. I held myself and stood for a while near the open door. I had just saved myself from falling of the running train. It was then I realized that I needed to control my emotions too. Just the way I saved myself from falling a little while ago. I came back to my seat, decided never to overthink anything that would make me weak or distract me. I had a firm determination to move on this time. I promised myself never to look back and live in stress. It was time to shape my career, work on my brilliant ideas, close my eyes and wait for a new dream (not hoping to share it with anyone special).

I had finished my coffee. Being late at night I was supposed to sleep but the caffeine and new willpower inside didn't let me do so that night. Sometimes, all we need is to find a restart button. When all our problems are inside our brains and there are no visible wounds, we must press that restart button. This amazing concept of rewiring our brain helped me relax my mind and it was then when I opened a new tab on Google Chrome, started YouTube and searched for a new track.